beautiful life

Just revel a bit in Him today.

I'm reminding myself and you....

life with Him is beautiful.

wal-mart adventure

be careful... sarcasm ahead.

i ran into wal-mart today to "grab" a few things and order some pictures. the picture kiosk was running on a processor i have no doubt was from the early 70's and i was left tapping my foot and trying not to break out in song to pass the time. when the pictures were finally ordered i made my way to the hair section-- it is absolutely unbelievable to me that all the colors of the rainbow can be displayed in shampoo alone -- before one even gets to the mousse and gel. i let out a little thankful breath that i knew i wanted the green bottle and made my way to the checkout. as is typical of this season, every register was about eight feet deep in two moms and an old man with five carts (all together of course-- who ever heard of an old man with five carts?). I walked toward my exit door hoping the 7 items or less lines would be short and sweet. wonder of wonders! there was one and only one lady with two poinsettias in this line-- it was meant to be. before i was born-- this line was supposed to be mine. the bleach blond who tried valiantly at politeness quickly rang up my items as i dug in my purse looking for my wallet... where was it in this monstrously big bag i called a purse? by this time the blond is done and looking at me... "Oh my," I say "I think I left my wallet in the car." how embarrassing. the lady looks moved to tears at my predicament but manages to say "I'll hold it, just come back to this register." i sigh and rush to the car where my wallet sits just as pretty as can be on the passenger seat. grrr. it's ok. moving fast i return to my place of origin-- register 6-- only to find my habitat now infested with a older middle-aged lady of the variety that wears matching snowflake vest, earrings and coordinating slacks and shoes topped off with a professionally dyed ash blond head that does not hide that she is well over 48. my exuberance at the express lane is completely dead by now. i try not to go back into my toe tapping number from earlier but find it almost impossible as the snowflake lady unloads supplies that look like they will be used to host a party of 50 with deep-fried entrees-- courtesy of snowflake's new Presto Fry-Daddy electric deep fryer-- after aid party she will no doubt be incapacitated in bed using her four boxes of tissues. The only thing more trying than standing behind someone abusing the express lane is standing behind someone abusing the express lane after you've already checked out.
since i have nothing else to do i might at least pray for her... i think... and a bit half-heartedly begin...

i must admit that my sanity is often maintained by the outrageous sarcasm that flashes-- like neon lights at an all night diner-- in my head.

disclaimer: events described in this blog are not entirely fictitious-- any resemblance to people living and living dead is entirely intentional if somewhat exaggerated.

poverty and dissatisfaction

Some thoughts bouncing around in my head from a book I was reading at the end of the semester...

---we should “comfort the afflicted” and “afflict the comfortable”

---Poverty’s root-- its core-- is a destructive mind-set that says, ‘I don’t matter. There is nothing special about me. Why should I try? Why should I dare to hope? Who cares about me?’

---I read once that poverty is a lack of options-- a lack of choice.

---experiencing poverty is often a heart breaking experience-- not always because of their
condition but because of our own condition.

i feel dissatisfied tonight. dissatisfied that there is so little care about what is going on in the world... that often caring becomes the fashionable thing with the graphically pleasing t-shirt or organization with the cool slogan...dissatisfied at how little i pray for the desperate need... dissatisfied with the fact that i can't fix the brokenness and that even if i could take a plane tonight and go hold that little girl in x country that has been raped everyday since she was five by her family or rich white men i can really do nothing to make it all better...dissatisfied that by feeling this i am in some ways giving in to the worst effect of poverty--hopelessness... dissatisfied that i can have so much and be so impoverished and my friends in uganda can have so little and hold so much...dissatisfied at the lack of redemption and beauty...

somehow at the end of each day-- all that remains is He is good.
and i see redemption and beauty sometimes because He is at work even if it seems as if that were not so.

fake towns and middle age

After beginning to write three times and erasing all of what I might have shared I have settled on writing about my tourist experience (with three college friends) in Shipshewana, IN this week-- where the amish get down and funky.

first of all, I drove in and felt as if I dropped into a town created with cookie cutters. All the buildings were small along "main street." (can one really call it main street when the town doesn't have a gas station?) As my friends and I began shopping we immediately identified that this was most likely indeed a fake... no stores were open and seemed to serve the purpose of only looking adorable-- in a hansel-and-gretel-there-is-probably-an-old-lady-ready-to-kill-you-inside-because-anything-this-cute-must-have-a-catch kind of way.
when we finally found one open I was shocked to discover that it was possible to hold that many dollies in one place. and candles. and decorative plates. it was absolutely staggering-- how do middle aged women with vera bradley totes make it out without a mental breakdown because of the decisions to be made?
each consecutive store was similar... i began to reel from the "country chic" charm of it all.

by eleven we four collegiate's were ravaging --craving some chicken and noodles, of course, I mean it is AMISH country-- after our hard morning searching for the best priced figurine to collect dust in our future homes. so we made our way to the most prominent amish restaurant in town. while we waited in the gift shop for a table, I was catapulted into middle age when to my right I overheard some ladies in quilted jackets chatting with eachother--
"OH MY, I saw the cutest designer rolling pins at such and such!! I just have to go back!!!!" said one.
"What were they like?" asked another.
"Oh you know, with such and such and only such and such a price!"
A fake blond gave a huge gasp and then an excited squeal that I felt should have only been used at the birth of a first grandchild, "I need to get that!" blondie said.
My frame shook with silent laughter. I almost felt guilty at taking pleasure at someone else's expense but it passed swiftly-- it's not like they knew, right? My roommate came up and asked me what was up-- I explained what had happened and said "I was just trying to imagine ever being that excited about a rolling pin." "Yeah, it's weird imagining being old." she replied.

we were soon ushered to our table and were greeted by Maria our hispanic waitress who wore an amish dress, apron and hose conservatively topped off with dark eyeliner and shadow. Going back to the fake town thing... I said to myself. We ordered our meal and ate all that was wholesome and came with chucks of chicken in thick gravy. It was good I will admit.

one more shop for closure and then we were headed out-- each of us with hours of driving ahead and a long Christmas break to go 8 miles over the speed limit for.

I think this was a learning experience. when else would I have seen how tourism can make normal people do such bizarre things and taken an unwanted peek at all I hope my middle-aging will not bring?

disclaimer: events described in this blog are not entirely fictitious-- any resemblance to people living and living dead is entirely intentional if somewhat exaggerated.


have a beautiful night and don't forget to chuckle at your world.

talking it out with Him in a snowglobe

I sit at my kitchen table-- the soft glow from the Christmas lights illuminating the room and the realization that I have too much work to be writing this striking me... but hey just in case you haven't reveled in it lately -- God is good. We took a walk earlier and it was one of those nights that I needed Him to hold the pillows. See, when I get frustrated or upset sometimes I will have my good friends or my brother Graham hold a big stack of pillows and I will punch them until I feel all the tension has drained away. This doesn't happen too often anymore but tonight God held the pillows and I punched away-- I walked and poured out every disappointment, frustration and desire. I just put it all out there. The snow began falling on my face and I kept walking. And you know what?

At the end of the day God is good.

Even when life as we see it isn't what we "want" or what we expected or think might be good.
I laughed with God a bit as we talked about how I was getting frustrated at things in "my" life-- as if! We chucked -- well, actually I did-- and I think He did a little too. Do you ever have trouble being content? Here is what I was reminded of ...

Don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there."
1 Corinthians 7:17 (the message)

I heard-- "I am good Hope. Hope, just stop-- I'm so good."

beautiful huh? Just relax and live in gorgeous, simple, glorious abandonment. JOY. That is such a theme this semester.

I walked back into my townhouse and my housemate asked me what I was grinning about-- I said "Just because He's good. (pause) Just because He is so good."

I don't know what you were wishing for but I wasn't wishing for a snowstorm -- yet somehow it is abundantly more than I asked for.

passion "defined"

we were talking about passion the other day...
we asked ourselves what it is.

One way it was described is the thoughts God has started swirling in your mind, the things that keep you up at night in a good way, the things you go to bed earlier for just so you can get up and do them. What I wouldn't give to know and do that type of passion everyday.

::ordinary day, Extraordinary God::

old and new music loves

I identify with this...

kinda, sorta, maybe.

I identify with this ...

for certain.


::ordinary day, extraordinary God::

dizzy circles

moments
pregnant with the 'something more'
that is You.
there are no words
my soul spins in dizzy, dancing circles
laughter shouts rising on the dayswind
how God-great are You
my Father-King
You make me smile
singing constantly the song
so excited that all I can do
is leap up and down in wondrous amazement
Did you know You are God?

::ordinary day, Extraordinary God::

in His hand

So I was thinking about India today--
more like I was dreaming of India today with my eyes open.

It is still very far in the future but I sometimes have to contain my excitement.
God is at work every moment and I am excited to see what He has planned in this particular instance.

mmmmm... doesn't being in His hand feel delicious?

::ordinary day, Extraordinary God::

mom for a time

I love my new major, although it feels strange quite often.
I am excited because I got to be a mom for the weekend and it was a blast-- although I have so much to learn. There is a lot of selflessness that comes with parenting.

I need to sleep-- the kids had me up at 6:15am :)

::ordinary day, Extraordinary God::

existentialism and ginger snaps

classes start one week from today and i am not ready
that is why i have decided to take time off
prepare, reflect and make to-do lists for myself

------------------------------------------------------------------

i was reading about existentialism
and as i pondered on it i recognized that while
i may enjoy friends-- family--
the sound of the wind in the trees--
or watching the sunrise with a good cup of tea--
i don't think i have ever found meaning in any of those things.
beyond my comprehension is seeing the world and being totally content
with looking and experiencing without a bigger picture in mind---
without a grander story to piece it all together and breath life into it.
this was just on my mind today.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

do you know what else was on my mind today?
my rediscovered passion for richly spiced swedish ginger snaps.

but i couldn't find the meaning of my life
from eating that delectable cookie.



::ordinary day, Extraordinary God::

something you love

it's monday
again

ok, not really feeling grumpy --more like-- i wonder if
today will seem like a monday or will pass in wonderful
fast paced beauty?
slow is only nice when you are
doing something you love.

i have a tour in 5 minutes

can i sign a post like this...

::ordinary day, Extraordinary God::
?

yes.

old ladies and "thongs"

So yesterday I was in the back mail room at work and in walks one of the sweet older ladies who has worked in the admissions office since she was born. (White hair, beige slacks and a cardigan everyday of the year-- the whole nine yards.) She starts talking to me as she makes the morning coffee-- somehow we get on the topic of how the world has changed since she was young. "Even the words are different!" she exclaims "Last year I was talking to my grandkids and it was one of those real cold spots of winter. I said to my grandkids, 'I just don't understand it-- all those IWU kids running around campus in their thongs!' My grandkids said to me 'Grandma, how would you know they are wearing their thongs?' I said to them, 'Well, I see them! They are all running around in them just as plain as day!' My grandkids said back, 'Grandma, they wouldn't be running around with just their thongs!' I kept insisting that they were until my daughter steps in and explained that when I said thong I meant flip-flop and when they said thong they meant that fancy new underwear. I don't want to turn into a grouchy old lady but I even need a translator these days!"

i love older people so much.

::ordinary day, Extraordinary God::

fall feel

it was deliciously cool this morning.
i am excited for the fall.


::ordinary day, Extraordinary God::

soul kisses

I received the nicest compliment today...
someone said I reminded them of a friend that was the epitome of feminine.
that is -- soft yet confident.

i was so flattered.

i feel like genuine compliments are like soul kisses.



"How little people know who think that holiness is dull. When one meets the real thing...it is irresistible." -- cs lewis

God make me into a woman after Your heart!

::ordinary day, Extraordinary God::

Billboard in the Sky

Sometimes I ponder on how in the world we are supposed to know who to date and marry.
It cannot be totally based on emotion and neither is it to be based solely on facts-- and how are we to discern what God's will is when we are pulled a million different directions by our feelings and also by facts. I mean is it where the feelings and facts interact and then we get various "fleeces" that we find the will of God?

I always want a sign-- I guess I am like doubting Thomas-- I want to put my hands in the holes and be like-- "Ok, now I'm sure." The will of God is such a thing of both faith and mystery. Steve DeNeff preached a sermon on it a few weeks ago and he talked about it in terms of faith and providence-- providence takes one step (God does something) and then we follow with a step of faith that says "I trust and know You are at work regardless of how I feel or the uncertainty of what lies ahead." For example, there were a few small events that got me to thinking about leading a team to India this coming year-- as I was thinking and praying about it I wanted a sign-- I wanted it to be crystal clear. Instead, I just had this positive feeling about it and finally said "Well, God I am just going to step out in faith and see what You do." Nissa and I both did that and now here we are team leaders-- I get the feeling that I complicate God's will a lot and tear myself into confused shreds with -- "God what do You want me to do?" He has already told us a lot of what we should do-- as we do those things and then seek Him on the uncertain things He does reveal Himself. I desire to be "clear-minded and self controlled so I can pray.." which I am not as I run around in mental circles begging God to give me a billboard in the sky with flashing lights saying "HOPE- _________ is My will. Love, God." God is always in His word and sometimes God is in our thoughts -- feelings -- other people. There is not some magic combination to unlock the will of God which is what it seems I am looking for sometimes.

Wow, that was a lot of thoughts all pouring out at once. Webale (thank you) for listening.

::ordinary day, Extraordinary God::

praying God's word

Sad but true -- I'm just posting because I am bored at work.

I am being tempted to feel anxious about various issues this morning and have recognized once again the power of scripture. I was praying and focusing on my feelings, etc. babbling to God basically and then a verse came to mind and then another.... Then I began telling God Who He is-- not that He doesn't already know! but hey a God that big needs bragged on and sometimes I need reminded!-- and then I felt my anxiety begin to fade... like that song "the things of earth will grow strangely dim..."

claim truth not feelings

ps-- I am reading that book -- Praying God's Word and I think it is going to be really good...

::ordinary day, Extraordinary God::

simple pleasures

Well, finally a new post.
There are so many pleasures in life that I have been able to savor as of late.
They are simple pleasures but wondrous nonetheless.
Like eating my crunch berry cereal outside as the sun made its slow journey higher this morning or hearing a beautiful worship song blasted out of a car as I walked home last night.
I hope you see the beautiful simple pleasures today.

I have been looking at pictures of amazing people we met in Uganda on their blogs and I just want to pack my bag and drop out of school and go anywhere-- some place away from here. Not that I don't like it here-- I do. But God has designed my heart to long for other places and to explore. I am thankful for that.

::ordinary day, Extraordinary God::

blogs to share

Mostly for me but if any of you are interested in what Uganda is like...

http://www.ambainuganda.blogspot.com/

http://www.thefishlineonline.blogspot.com/

http://www.africaleeannowen.blogspot.com/

http://www.dee-lifeworthliving.blogspot.com/

http://www.annieandbradbrown.blogspot.com/


Some Blogs of friends that we made in Uganda-- very cool people one and all :)

life as an epic

Have you ever thought about the desires of your heart?
We all want to be a part of something bigger than ourselves -- our experience of waking up and working and sleeping only to do it all over again the next day is not enough. Where is the grand, epic story we want to write? We are frantically, desperately flipping through pages trying to find what we were made for-- where we fit into the story-- but it is all in vain. Give Him your book. It seems an oxymoron to give away what we want to gain-- we yearn for something more, we flitter from this to that, hoping to find it but end up with nothing but shattered dreams and apathy-- give Him the book. Only He can write the story that you were made for and only in Him can you find your page. He writes the story of Him and you first and it fills your world with color and light. It floods the page-- you can barely look it is so beautiful and so right. Relationship with Him is so very, very sweet. Embrace it.

May you be my first and last thought Father God...

::ordinary day, Extraordinary God::

notes to self

I have so much to learn
and so few learned teachers.

I have so many dreams
and so many doubts.

I have so much love
and not enough discipline.

I have Jesus Christ in my life
and yet is He always first in my heart?


:: ordinary day, Extraordinary God::

Testing, testing... this is Hope entering the blogging world...