my pride is a horrible thing-- it causes me to lie to others and myself. but my pride is not something that happens to me i am realizing... it is a choice i make. and my pride is such that it isn't that i think highly of myself but that i want others to think well of me. i don't like to look bad and i don't like to fail. i don't like seeing all the parts of myself unconformed. but isn't that what makes up our humanity? our journey closer to God and our bruised up knees from falling on our faces so often? if perfection were the starting point i would not be a part of humanity and i love being a part of humanity most days.
funny how so many ideas in the universe intersect. love. pride. fear. compassion. i am coming to believe more and more that love is not possible with pride standing in the way. and that true compassion only comes with a healthy dose of love. who was it that said that pride is the root of all other sin? i think they were onto something.
and somehow i always come back to Jesus-- His absolute love drove Him to what? humility. he made himself nothing. (check out --phil. 2:5-11-- more beautiful every time i read it)
i am learning to admit more and more-- as i see more and more-- my desperate need. taking it to God. sharing with others. being freed. learning to love. choosing to love. having our despair of ourselves turned all around. as oswald chambers-- one of my favorite writers of all time-- said how can we despair of any one after seeing what was inside ourselves?
i can see God taking our dirt and planting a flower garden.
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